I know this blog is desperately in need of more loving, and I will work on it. In the meantime, a possibly helpful note: if you need someone to clean your toilets, consider poaching one of the staff from the cleaning service of Copenhagen airport. Apparently, they do scrub harder (or so their sign claimed...), which I suppose is what you would want. Enough said.
There has been much talk in the Danish media in recent years, and by Danish politicians, about how important it is to attract foreign talent into Denmark since there is a growing labour shortage. Particularly, but not exclusively, in the area of maths and sciences and especially those with PhD's.
Of course, it's one thing to toss around lofty rhetoric about how welcome foreigners are in Denmark and so forth (at least, the well educated fully westernised ones), it's another thing to bring your army of bureaucrats in line with this thinking. Which brings me to this story I am about to share - which I will do by sharing the email exchange that took place around it.
It's a series of email a good (non-Danish) friend was involved in, which he forwarded to me, between himself and a hopeless bureaucrat at the Danish tax office, while trying to deal with some tax (skat, in Danish) problems that resulted from him going abroad to work. Apparently the memo that foreigners were now welcome in Denmark didn't quite reach this particular bureaucrat.
Incidentally (as he writes in his email) this work abroad, which my friend is doing, is actually funded by the Danish Research Council (who at least seem to understand the value a foreigner can be to the country)!
I should also add (not that it matters) that this friend of mine, who has been living in Denmark nearly as long as I have (he completed a PhD here, before becoming an Assistant Professor), genuinely loves the country - especially Copenhagen. He regularly refers to the city (in all seriousness) as 'his paradise'. In fact, I once wrote a post entitled 'Why Copenhagen is a happening place these days' that was somewhat inspired by his views, which I tend to share. Unfortunately, his Danish has not advanced terribly far during this time here (as often happens when you're working full-time...).
Well, even in paradise there is bureaucracy. And where there is bureaucracy, there are bureaucrats. And sometimes this means dealing with a live person...and here the problems so often begin.
Read the exchange for yourself below, it's rather breathtaking. In fact, it could be straight out of a manual written by the highly xenophobic Dansk Folkparti entitled 'how to deal with pesky foreigners in Denmark asking questions'.
"Sometimes they can really piss me off in my paradise.....", wrote my friend in forwarding this set of emails. Indeed, indeed - as you read through this exchange, you can almost feel the emotional explosion as my dear friend loses it...
______________________________
Fra: GP
Sendt: 18. februar 2008 14:30
Til: skat@skat.dk
Emne: VS: Problem Salary Abroad
Dear SKAT
My name is GP (CPR-nr. xxxxxx-xxxx), I am working at the Denmark Technical University for the past several years.
I am currently an assistant professor with a contract until November of 2009 and I have attached my contract. I am spending 12 months to Tokyo University (Japan) with a starting date 1/1/2008.
I visited the SKAT office before I leave for Tokyo because I was informed that I will be in a beneficial tax status since I will spend a period of more than 6 months abroad. I submitted the necessary documents and everything seemed to be fine. However when I received the salary of January this was very low. As you see in the email below the administration office of DTU reported to me that my allowance for 2008 is significant lower.
Allowance 2007 = 7.841 pr. month
Allowance 2008 = 3.685 pr. month
I don't see anything beneficial until now and my salary has decreased instead of increased, so could you please help me, what is wrong and how could we fix it? As you understand living in Tokyo makes difficult every other type of communication than email. Thank you in advance for your help.
Best wishes
GP
____________________________
by: Tim Anderson (timothyanderson2005@gmail.com)
Here we have a distinctly Danish toaster. It is, from a global perspective, not your typical toaster.
Rather, if you're not from Denmark, it's probably not like any toaster you've used or owned before. I hadn't. I thought it would be a cool and very Danish thing to go out and buy one for myself, until I realised that the real value of a toaster comes from the fact that the bread gets toasted (quickly) on both sides at once. Do it one side at a time and not only is it slower but, inevitably, one side gets cold while the other is being toasted. So I decided to go for the more traditional version and spurn Danish design (actually, I've never figured out whether the design is actually Danish...).
Anyway, this is just a lead-in, as this is not a post about toasters. Well, it sort of is. It's actually a post that is more generally about heating things, buying contraptions that heat things, and the state of apartments in Copenhagen.
Our apartment, not untypically, is missing an oven. You see, the kitchen is small and the apartment is old and the association that controls the building is not terribly proactive, which could also be said about our landlord, a nice as he otherwise is. (Another consequence of this is the stand-up shower located in our spare bedroom, not the bathroom - another common feature of very old re-furbished Copenhagen apartments). So instead of a normal oven, we have a little mini-oven, that I bought used from www.dba.dk, which serves the purpose instead (I mention www.dba.dk intentionally, as this is the best site in Denmark for finding pretty much any other used item that you can imagine - like a mini-oven...it also happens to be a good place to find an apartment to rent - just be sure to get ahold of a Danish dictionary first, if you don't speak the language). And as it turns out, rarely is it necessary to have a full size oven anyway - I think I've missed having such a thing about 2 times since we've lived in this place.
As I mentioned, this oven arrangement is not uncommon. Many an apartment kitchen in Copenhagen is in need of refurbishment (as there are loads and loads of very very old buildings in the city), and one consequence is a lack of an oven in some places. Actually, I have a friend who owns an apartment in Copenhagen that is even missing a cooker - instead he has two gas burners (connected to gas pipes) that sit on his counter. I'm not kidding, as crazy as this sounds!
Of course, when you buy used, you risk buying crap. So on Sunday our trusty little mini-oven conked out after 8 months - just as the quiche we made was baking. This is what has provoked this post, and the above commentary.
our now defunct mini-oven...
Which brings me back to the subject of toasters - and why those one-sided Danish toasters are just no good. You see, there was some left-over quiche in the fridge, obviously best re-heated. Suddenly, as I was about to eat it cold earlier today, in a flash of almost genius, an idea came to me for how to reheat it in the absence of a new mini-oven (to be purchased tomorrow).
Lest others living in such an apartment with a shitty mini-oven that has just broken find themselves caught in a similar predicament, here's my simple instructions for getting around the problem, inspired by those Danish one-sided toasters:
1. Take your traditional (non-Danish and not one-sided) toaster out of the cupboard (or wherever it is stored).
2. Turn toaster on its side (ok, you'll probably need a wide mouth toaster to succeed further) and push the quiche in (this will also work for leftover pizza slices in need of reheating). In this way, when the cheese on top begins to melt and the 'insides' soften, they won't go as far as they would if standing sideways in the toaster (as toast normally does).
2. When the quiche (or pizza slice) is (re-)heated, remove from toaster (still on its side), then return the toaster to its normal upright position.
3. Enjoy your re-warmed quiche.
yummmmm! Hot quiche...
Optional (but recommended) step:
4. Go to store the next day when it opens and buy a new mini-oven. People will quite justifiably think you've cracked-up if they catch you doing this.
This is one of those very embarrassing incidents. For those non-Danes unfamiliar with Danish TV, 'God Morgen Danmark' ('Good Morning Denmark') is a live daily news program broadcast each morning. Actually, in the background is the central station in Copenhagen where the show is broadcast from each day, if you're curious.
A shockingly good laugh, but my goodness, she surely won't be hearing the end of this one for some time...and for good reason!
Below is an English-subtitled version (the offending remark occurs around the 1.20 mark...). If you're a Danish speaker, you can click here to watch a slightly longer non-subtitled version.
* English translation: "Is it an ape?"
Denmark is not exactly the most widely known country in the world, though it does have it's moments of fame and imfamy. These clips from Jon Stewart's The Daily Show are pretty classic. Nothing like good old black Danish humour - and they really were shot in Copenhagen.
Part 1 - with excellent Wulff & Morgenthaler and Jan Gintberg segments
Part 2 - more good stuff...
And for a great taste of Danish humour in comic strip form, click over to www.wulffmorgenthaler.com.
By: Tim Anderson (timothyanderson2005@gmail.com)
With the threat of a possible election hanging over the country, and not-quite-but-essentially-election style posters appearing on billboards around the city, I decided it was time to come clean and acknowledge that here in Denmark, there is a problem of integration that must be politically dealt with.
In countless Danish political and non-political circles, it has been pointed out over and over again in recent years that there is a small problem of integration in Denmark. At this point that one could be forgiven for believing that what they were hearing was in fact an old vinyl record skipping skipping skipping.
But here’s the reality: there is a certain much-discussed minority group that has begun to establish themselves in this country, yet try as society does this minority group continues to have grievous problems adapting to the culture that surrounds them here – on the streets, in the schools, in the bars and cafes - and even behind closed doors in the privacy of home.
And this it is often said - and frankly I must agree - is a real problem. Because it causes, how shall we say it, a certain disease that is very uncomfortable. It’s very disturbing to have to co-exist with. It’s a bit like desperately yet futilely trying to get oil and vinegar to mix – try as you do, shake shake shake, inevitably after a short period of time it’s right back to the same situation – the oil incapable of integrating itself in any meaningful way with the vinegar. The two remain visibly apart. And that sucks.
So I’ll come out and say it openly: how exactly can we get this small minority, the Dansk Folkeparti and its supporters, to integrate into Danish society? How exactly does one to get this minority group that so stubbornly refuses to see the obvious, to understand that the way they insist on leading their lives and how they insist others should lead theirs, the things they believe in, and the viewpoints they espouse have little, if anything, to do with the values of Danish society?
In fact, I must admit that I sometimes fear that one day this minority may even insist upon covering their faces on the streets in order to shield themselves from the obvious reality that surrounds them, that they nonetheless so fundamentally disagree with. And if they ever did do that, it would surely make an already sticky situation even stickier.
So this is a call to action: I say we need to force these Dansk Folkeparti people to integrate into Danish society!
I suggest to begin with, we move them to the housing centers that already exist for this purpose - for integrating those refugees who are new to Denmark and have never previously been exposed to Danish culture.
Why not start with the center located, rather uselessly, about 15 kilometers outside of Roskilde quite in the countryside, just on the other side of a forest? Maybe being apart from Danish society in this manner will finally allow these stubborn individuals to see the error of their ways and at last adopt the values that will allow them to gracefully fit into this great country.
Of course, I acknowledge that it may not work. I mean, consider the flexibility and ingenuity these refugees have shown in getting themselves from these distant lands where they were born to the far shores of Denmark. It’s a degree of strength and character that the Dansk Folkeparti and its supporters have never demonstrated they possess. Still, it’s worth a shot, no?
If nobody will stand up and say it loudly and proudly, the perpetual problem of integrating these outsiders into Denmark will remain unsolved. Because if nobody will deal with it, a real risk exists that the consequences may slowly tear this wonderful Danish society apart. Which is precisely why we must now be ceaselessly vigilant in our efforts.
*A special thanks to very deceased Jonathon Swift for inspiring this part of the title. My proposal is, of course, far more modest than his more famous one.
An evil Canadian seal pup killer hard at work...
I'm not really in favour of killing baby seals either, but one must wonder what exactly one should do in order to follow the instuctions given on these posters that have been stuck-up randomly around Copenhagen for the last three or four months ('Boycott Canada').
Maybe stop putting maple syrup on your pancakes? Or stop buying albums of the horrendously bad French-Canadian singer who once represented Switzerland in the Eurovision song contest? I'm running out of ideas now...
I'm not really sure who is responsible for them, but I'm sure these posters are making a big difference. Really.
Ah, I've got it! I don't know why I didn't think of it before. As I really am against the killing of baby seals, from this day forward, I vow never again to succumb to tempation and order another succulent McSealpup Sandwich, or similarly named menu item, from any well-known and less-known fast-food chain anywhere in the world (especially in Canada). I think I can manage that. And I guess the sealskin boots will also have to go...
Which suddenly makes me think of this classic Simpsons clip.
by: Tim Anderson (timothyanderson2005@gmail.com)
According to research by the British Council, Copenhagen is home to the second fastest walkers in the world. That is, on average, people walk very quickly. Who would have guessed it?
Yet, somehow I find myself a bit skeptical of this claim. So I got to thinking, maybe, just maybe there is an explanation for these findings - one on 2 wheels.
See, what if the researchers - overzealous to cover a wide range of walking spaces around the city - without realising it managed set up there measurement equipment in such a way that, though managing to avoid clocking car traffic speeds, actually ended up clocking not only pedestrians walking, but also bicycle speeds as well? No way, you sayy! Weeeeell....
Maybe, just maybe, while setting up their measurement devices they got confused and thought many of the bike lanes were actually sidewalks. After all, unlike in most cities, there are bike lanes lining virtually every street in Copenhagen (and not only sidewalks). That would certainly jack up the speed statistics some, wouldn't it?
Could it have happened? Naaaaaw....well, maybe...
zooooom....
An oddly satisfying moment occurred a couple nights ago coming home on the metro from visiting some friends out in Amager. Satisfying because it proved that even in Denmark, a place where there is a bureaucratic process for everything and, more importantly, a person responsible for overseeing each of these processes (and making sure every one is followed correctly and in a timely manner) - oversights do happen.
Even lapses and oversights that would no doubt be considered rather serious by those of a more bureaucratically-oriented disposition (which is certainly not me). In fact, this one could even be given the onimous sounding classification of a safety issue.
Yes, at Lergravsparken Metro station an elevator inspection date had actually passed without the scheduled inspection occurring. You heard it here first.
It's reassuring knowing that even in Denmark the bureaucrats and inspectors are human. Oh, and we opted to take the elevator, anyway. 
better hurry up with that inspection boys, March 19 is coming up...LAST MONTH!!
A while back, I offered a few of my own Danish cultural knowledge questions, hoping to help out those responsible for making up questions for the government's latest cultural initiative, the Danish Citizenship Test - a that all prospective Danes will soon have to take in order to be granted Danish citizenship.
It seems that since then, a few people have been thinking about the questions - including the guys over at YIE who wrote a little post about my alternative test and linked to it, and of course Shortcut, who published the 'cultural test' article as well. Very nice, indeed!
To help them out (and any others stumped by these important Danish cultural questions), here's the answers:
1. Name five sunny, holiday destinations abroad served by discount airlines flying out of Kastrup Lufthavn (Copenhagen airport)?
(there's plenty to choose from) I recommend www.whichbudget.com to get you started.
2. Name 3 Danish websites where you can book last minutes package holidays to these sunny southern vacation spots?
Again, where to begin! As before, start at www.whichbudget.com to find an appropriate discount airline site, then maybe check out www.mytravel.dk, http://www.travelmarket.dk/ for some last minute deals. But knowing what to google in Danish is the real key, isn't it? Try 'somer ferierejser' (summer vacation travel).
3. Describe how to make a proper 'Danish smørrebrod' of your own with any three or four ingredients.
Let's go with a Danish classic here: a slice of rugbrød (danish dark rye bread), sliced frikadeller (meat balls), and some 'rødkål' (marinated red cabbage). Another good option would be: a slice of rugbrød, fiskefillet (breaded fish fillet), some remoulade and a slice of lemon.
4. Is the number '13' an unlucky number in Denmark, or does it mean something else to many people - for example, students?
It's not bad luck at all! 13 is the highest grade you can get on an assignment, exam or class in Denmark.
5. Name three Danish beers that can be bought at the supermarket for under 3 kroner per bottle?
Once again, choice abounds! My personal preferences would be Harboe or Ceres - but Dansk Pilsner could be a nearly palatable substitute in a (cash) pinch.
6. Name two different supermarket chains that sell these cheap beers?
It's gotta be Netto or Fakta.
7. If you are having a loud and late party in your apartment and the police show up at your door at 4 AM, what can they do about it?
Nothing!! All they can do is ask you to shut your windows, but they can't stop the party - or even ask you to turn the music down!
8. It's 3AM in the morning. Where can you buy a pølse (hot dog)?
Take a few steps over to the nearest pølservogn (hot dog cart) or step into 7-11.
9. It's 5AM in the morning. Where can you buy a pølse (hot dog)?
Probably few pølservogn's still to be found on the streets - or just stagger into 7-11.
10. It's 8AM in the morning. Where can you buy a pølse (hot dog)?
No pølservogn's on the street at this hour, but after stumbling out of one of those early hour bodega's, 7-11 will still be able to satisfy your craving.
11. Can you ever NOT buy a pølse (hot dog) in Denmark? (Yes/No)
No way - you can always get one! 7-11 is 24/365 and they never turn off the grill!
12. If it wasn't for the fruit and vegetable shop around the corner, it would be impossible to get fruit and vegetables after ___PM on weekdays, and ___PM on Saturday.
8 PM weekdays, 5 PM on Saturdays.
13. The guy who runs the fruit and vegetable shop around the corner is not from Denmark, he is from __________.
Turkey (specifically either Konya or 'Kurdistan')
14. If you are white and/or from a 'western' country and you already meet the other criteria for being awarded Danish citizenship, will anybody actually bother to grade your Danish Cultural Test? (Yes/No)
Ha! I seriously doubt it!
Hope that helped everyone! ;-)
Sorry, one last (amusing) Ungdomshuset post. I just couldn't resist.
When I received this video from my friend Marcin, who witnessed this little altercation nearby Ungdomshuset last Friday (and wrote a nice summary of it which I published in a previous entry) during the so-called 'riots', I had to take the opportunity to upload it to YouTube so I could make a post of it.
This one pretty much speaks for itself - some people really deserve what they get, let's just say. In the case of this rather clued-out fellow and his friend, well, I almost for sorry for them. Almost.
Marcin notes that in spite of appearances, the situation during the 'riots' (including during the filming of this little video) couldn't have been more controlled and 'safe'. People were gathered around watching the one or two young people feeding the flames of protest, in this case not only metaphorically.
Enjoy!
For more about the Ungdomshuset events you can read about media coverage of the story here, the peaceful demonstrations and what the whole mess was about here, and what an eye-witness saw during the 'riots' here).
by: Tim Anderson (timothyanderson2005@gmail.com)
If there is one thing that can be said about the current government in Denmark, it's that they are becoming rather predictable.
Needing the proudly xenophobic/racist Dansk Folkeparti to prop up their minority government, the government has developed a nasty little habit of throwing their support behind various proposals propogating the idea of 'Danishness' (thereby helping to ward off perceived threats to whatever it is that this so-called 'Danishness' is...). The Dansk Folkeparti loves squeezing out these sorts of legislative turds from the bowels of their parliamentary caucus, as they are the self-proclaimed protectors of the Danish society and cultural identity in parliament. And the government knows how to apease the Dansk Folkeparti.
Their latest is the Danish 'cultural knowledge' Test, a test that prospective Danish citizens will now have to take as the final step to being granted Danish citizenship. Apparently the Danish government has granted itself monopoly rights to decree exactly what it is to be 'Danish'. Amusingly, it has been noted that many Danes are unable to answer many of the proposed questions.
The funny thing is that those taking the Danish cultural knowledge test will have already lived in Denmark for many years. So such people are already a part Danish culture and society - even if political parties like the Dansk Folkeparti have a hard time accepting this reality.
As a Canadian, I should note that a similar sort of test exists in Canada - and it is equally irrelevant and full of nonsense. (For example, I challenge any Canadian in the crowd to name the Lieutenant Governor of their province, a real question from the Canadian version.)
Prospective Danes can take the 'Danish Cultural Test' as many times as necessary in order to pass, and the questions will be published beforehand, making the test essentially an act of memorization. Which doesn't change the fact that it is laughable and unnecessary. Ironically, Danish education basically eschews memorization as a means of learning, but never mind that...
Admittedly, I have no idea whether or not I possess enough of whatever the government's version of 'Danish cultural knowledge' is to pass the 'Danish cultural knowledge' test. However, after 6 years here, I know that I possess certain pockets of specific and highly relevant Danish cultural knowledge.
So, I thought to myself, why not help out the test writers by proposing a few Danish cultural knowledge questions of my own, from my own experience living here? The test writers are probably overworked already, just trying to pin down just what it is to be Danish, after all (and are apparently doing a lousy job of it given all the wrong answers 'real' Danes have been giving).
So here are my suggestions:
1. Name five sunny, holiday destinations abroad served by discount airlines flying out of Kastrup Lufthavn (Copenhagen airport)?
2. Name 3 Danish websites where you can book last minutes package holidays to these sunny southern vacation spots?
3. Describe how to make a proper 'Danish smørrebrod' of your own with any three or four ingredients.
4. Is the number '13' an unlucky number in Denmark, or does it mean something else to many people - for example, students?
5. Name three Danish beers that can be bought at the supermarket for under 3 kroner per bottle?
6. Name two different supermarket chains that sell these cheap beers?
7. If you are having a loud and late party in your apartment and the police show up at your door at 4 AM, what can they do about it?
8. It's 3AM in the morning. Where can you buy a pølser (hot dog)?
9. It's 5AM in the morning. Where can you buy a pølser (hot dog)?
10. It's 8AM in the morning. Where can you buy a pølser (hot dog)?
11. Can you ever NOT buy a pølser (hot dog) in Denmark? (Yes/No)
12. If it wasn't for the fruit and veg shop around the corner, it would be impossible to get fruit and vegetables after ___PM on weekdays, and ___PM on Saturday.
13. The guy who runs the fruit and vegetable shop around the corner is not from Denmark, he is from __________.
14. If you are white and/or from a 'western' country and you already meet the other criteria for being awarded Danish citizenship, will anybody actually bother to grade your Danish Cultural Test? (Yes/No)
Wondering about the answers? Well, you can cue the answers, right here.
And if you want a sample of some of the 'real' proposed test questions already considered by the real test writers, click here (questions in Danish, of course).
And finally, a little shout out to Benno Hansen for his Newsvine link to this article and Benji at YIE for the mention and link! Thanks, it's appreciated!
snow, snow, snow, snow...
Yesterday's top news story in Denmark was the snow, of course. Fair enough, a lot of it had fallen over the previous 24 hours. As I happen to love snow, the more of it that falls, the better my mood.
Nonetheless, one of my (least) favourite pastimes is being subjected to the evening news in Copenhagen. The fact that a snowstorm is big news should give you an idea why. Be it the national news or the local news, you can be certain of one thing - Danish news is dead boring. I would say it is nearly unwatchable (an opinion that tends to create a little bit of friction in our home whenever the news is turned on).
Not that those responsible for broadcasting the news seem to agree with me - in December, a 24-hour news channel focusing on Danish news went on the air.
The 24-hour news station even cobbled enough kroner together to buy a helicopter (they keep on their helipad in front of their office in Copenhagen). Now you can be sure there has yet to be anything newsworthy enough in this country to actually put it to good use since then, but it makes a lot of noise when they fly it around the city, which they do like to do. And I suppose it does give a sort of illusion that something newsworthy is occurring in the city right at this very moment.
But trust me when I tell you that as this is Denmark, there surely is not. This is not a bad thing - in fact, it's a very good reason to live here. It just doesn't make for terribly interesting news broadcasts. There's not even enough traffic in and around Copenhagen to usefully report about.
I've always imagined it must be quite funny to be a producer in the newsroom in Copenhagen putting together the day’s news and trying to find the stories to fill the air-time with. As a producer, listening to non-story after non-story being pitched, how exactly do you actually choose between them?
There is a silent 'click' each night that occurs immediately following the one or two mildly newsworthy items, when the 'filler' news stories begin.
But watching the news does provide moments of amusement, from time to time - and this brings us back to yesterday's newsworthy topic: the snow.
One of yesterday's classic news moments involved a snow story, naturally. It was live remote report (from Slagelser) - a classic way to make non-news seem important. It's a technique employed regularly during new broadcasts in Denmark, especially in Copenhagen where reporters are constantly spread across the city to deliver their reports 'live'.
In the same vein, the classic technique of changing the camera angle on the presenter constantly after each news item is delivered (and oftentimes during it) is also vigorously employed during all Danish newscasts. Did they never watch Monty Python?
So to describe my favourite story of yesterday:
It began with the reporter standing outside and in the middle of nowhere, naturally surrounded by a lot of snow. He informed us that there was a lot of snow and that this snow was keeping Falck drivers very busy (surprise, surprise - Falck being the equivalent of the 'Danish automobile association' - they're the people you call when you need a tow). But this introduction was really just a little trick, as at this point the camera panned over to a...Falck driver! Yes, he was standing there ('live'). The Falck driver then got to say a few words about how many people had (predictably) gotten stuck in the snow and how busy he was because of this. Fine, fine. Alas, this was only another little trick. With another little pan of the camera, a minivan stuck in the snow was revealed. That's right, stuck in the snow - 'live' during the broadcast! A microphone was foist into the driver's face ('Yes, I'm stuck in the snow, so I had to call Falck...') and then the moment of truth was upon us. With a shout to his colleague in the tow-truck, 'live' across Denmark we watched the Falck truck pull the minivan out of the snow. Another sterling moment for live news reporting.
Then back to the newsroom in Copenhagen we were taken. For more, um...news.
'So tell us, is it snowing where you are Mr. Anderson?'
'Yes, there's a lot of snow. And it's cold. Very cold.'
'Are you expecting more snow?'
'Um, yes, I think there will be...'
'How are people coping with it?'
'Well, it seems most people are choosing to stay inside.'
'Yes, that's probably a good idea. Thanks very much for that live report. And try to stay warm.'
'I will.'
by Tim Anderson (timothyanderson2005@gmail.com)
The most memorable events are often the most random, unplanned, and unexpected ones.
Undoubtedly the most amusing event I have witnessed in 2007 occurred in a club called Turbinehallen in Copenhagen the other night, which myself and a friend were there to witness. Our presence there had been quite accidental – we misread the name of the club we had been advised to go to by another friend (by SMS) thinking it was this one. In fact, it was not, but no matter. This chance error resulted in us witnessing what I can only describe as one of the most profound social experiments I have ever unwittingly been a part of. Fortunately, my camera phone did the job, so I captured a few of the moments as events unfolded.
It happened like this:
Emerging from the washroom and passing the small stage where people had been dancing, I noticed a rather conspicuous individual was on a small platform on stage, a single spotlight shining on him. Perhaps approaching 40 years old, wearing large sunglasses, bright red trousers and a blue tank top from which his fairly significant pot belly hung out just slightly, he was not exactly inconspicuous. Oh, he also maintained quite a scowl of a facial expression. He had adopted a particular ‘dance’, one where he held one hand in front of his stomach, and the other out to his side – while not moving his feet one bit. People quickly surrounded him, in the way they would a street performer in a public square.
I returned to where my friend was, a distance away from the stage, and pointed this fellow out – she hadn’t noticed him until this point. We found it odd, but carried on not paying much attention to him. The music, it should be noted, had changed to a rhythmic and unchanging barrage of electronic growling. After a few minutes, we realised he wasn’t going anywhere, as did many others. A few people began to take the ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ approach, and started dancing on the small stage behind him. Unfortunately, owing to his commanding presence in the spotlight and the nature of the repetitive and unchanging music , it quickly proved impossible to continue for more than about a minute, so these attempts quickly faded away – leaving him on stage as the lone dancer.
Now the mood of a few people (the average age in the place was between 19-22, I would judge) began to change. This individual was becoming an intrusive presence – they wanted to dance. A few people seemed to be finding his presence not quite to their taste and began approaching him. Some tried talking to him, which failed, then others began trying to push him away. His stance was unchanging, and he continued to maintain his position – swaying his body slightly, with his arms lock in place in a sort of ‘dancing-like’ posture, his feet still unmoving.
'why did you punch my boyfriend, I mean, just because he punched you first...'
Now a few people were becoming quite provoked. A couple of guys came up behind him and pulled his trousers down to his feet. He pulled them back up again, and continued dancing. This left them unsatisfied and they approached him again, this time trying to shove him. When they did, he shoved back, immediately resuming his dancing position. One fellow tried to punch him and was promptly punched right back. Another girl came up and began shouting angrily in his ear. No reaction.
...some beer for you tank top, sir?
Finally a few people started spraying him with beer. He was still surrounded with people as a street performer would be, it should be noted. Somebody got the idea of turning off the single spotlight that was shining on him, as the ceiling was quite low and the power cord could easily be reached. So they did – but he just continued dancing, oblivious. And the music continued, unchanging.
After a few seconds, another member of the audience plugged the spotlight back in. This act changed the dynamic of the crowd somewhat. Now those who were provoked by him could see that, in fact, he did have support in the audience – not everybody was against him some seemed to imagine must be the case.
At this point my friend and I found our attention was rapt. We simply couldn’t believe this individual had manage to provoke so many aggressive acts out of those in attendence – he still hadn’t even moved a centimetre from the spot he was standing. It was a club, and he was dancing – albeit in his peculiar manner.
After a few minutes, those wanting to see him disappear regained some courage, and beer began to get dumped on him in increasing quantities – sometimes from a distance, and sometimes by people who would walk right up to him and pour it over his head. His tanktop was soaked.
Finally, after what I would judge to be somewhere between 20 to 30 minutes, the music at last stopped, he gave a wave to the crowd, which in turn gave him a hearty cheer, and then he disappeared. Two security guards of the club quickly removed the platform upon which he had been standing – confirming indeed that this had all been a planned event.
We simply couldn’t believe the anger that bubbled up out of a number of individuals over the course of his ‘routine’. If it hadn’t been all so damn fascinating to observe, it would have been outright disturbing. Well, okay, it was that too.
What can I say, the kids are alright, some of them just don't always get it...
Morning delivery of draft beer in Copenhagen
Many mornings in Copenhagen, on my way to work, I cycle by a truck that always makes me laugh. It closely resembles the oil truck that used to come a couple times a year to the house I grew up in as a kid to fill up the oil tank in our basement (that fueled the furnace in the house). Except this truck here in Copenhagen carries no oil. In fact, it is a Carlsberg beer tanker!
For those without a working command of Danish, 'Fadøl' (as written on the side of the truck pictured below) means 'draft beer'.
And just as it was done with those old oil trucks (that are still around), a hose is pulled from the truck and is connected to the beer tanks located in the basement of the bar...
...via a little hole in the ground, in front of the bar. Just pull the hose!
...and voila, tasty beer will be flowing from the taps in no time! Needless to say, this is not exactly the quality kind that I have been writing about in previous posts...
Pictures can be telling. In few countries would you find the Prime Minister carrying around an unstylish 10 kr (1.5 Euro) notebook such as the one Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen is pictured with here (a cheap notepad available in countless discount stores all over Denmark) during his first official meeting with the new leader of the Social Democrat party Helle Thorning Schmidt (the main opposition party). Try to find a picture of Jacques Chiraq or Tony Blair taking notes in such a thing...
But what about it's contents? With regards to Denmarks continuing support and participation in the Iraq war, did Anders remember to pen a reminder note to himself to stop acting like the American puppet he has been and get Denmark out of Iraq and start raising questions such as just how many non-military human casualties ('collateral damage') there have been? Perhaps somewhere he penned an even more pressing reminder to himself to start (re-)humanising Denmark's "xenophobic immigration policies" - the highly quotable (and not exactly insignificant) qualification offered by The Economist when it recently assessed Denmark as the best place in the world to do business. Those immigration policies have taken a decided turn towards radical paranoia under his leadership. Pictures can be telling, but they don't tell everything.
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